Our second month together was not all together uneventful, but the times were less strenuous and our relationship was learning to grow at an exponential rate. Sometime during our first month, Vanessa had got a call from her parents and had a long talk with them over the phone. I was in her bedroom, doing some internet stuff on the computer and had just finished when I came out to see what she was doing. She was sitting on her couch, the lights dim and talking in soft tones on the phone. I couldn’t see her from where I was standing in the hallway, but I could make out some of the things she was saying. Her parents were explaining to her that she wasn’t going to be allowed to stay in Melbourne to work, and that she was going to have to move back overseas or else she wouldn’t have the support of her parents any more.
From the first day that I told Vanessa that I liked her, I had feared this day. I knew it was a gamble to confess my feelings to her and try and get her to stay. Up until that point, she had agreed and had tried to coax her parents into agreeing. Unfortunately, they thought differently. They explained that a one month relationship was too short a period of time to make such a life changing choice, and that it wasn’t in her best interests to stay. I could hear her sobbing and pulling tissues from a tissue box. I heard her crying as she talked to her parents, trying to reach some neutral ground on the subject to reason with them. But losing the support of family is one of the hardest things a person can deal with.
Family is important; they have known you and put up with you since birth, you know that you can always turn to them when you’re in dire need of help and need some supporting. As opposed to a brand new relationship that hasn’t even been tested to see if it would go the whole nine yards yet. I didn’t blame her parents for the choice, but I wish they had made a different ruling on the subject. I didn’t interrupt Vanessa’s phone call.. so I waited until she hung up the phone. Every passing second I was behind her waiting to hear the *beep* of the phone call being ended, I just wanted to go out and hug her and tell her that it was OK.
But I didn’t want her to say anything differently or change her words to better accommodate the fact that I was there. And if her parents heard me during the phone call, they would surely start talking about something else. As soon as the call was over, I went to her side with tissues in my hand. I asked what the phone call was about, and what her parents were saying. But by the tears rimming her face, the sad look in her eyes – I already knew. I knew she wouldn’t take the leap for me. Who would really? Any rational person would weigh up the sides and easily spot out that one was definitely the ‘smarter choice’ – that being to leave Melbourne. Vanessa had been considering and weighing up the decisions anyway, making a list of all the positive and negative points of each scenario. She had told me she’d done this, and she asked if I wanted to know the result. I knew the result, deep down I knew, but I refused to hear the verdict of the list.
I just wanted to believe that something so magical, something so perfect could be flawless. I guess in my own sense of denial I never wanted us to end. For the first time in my life, everything had meaning and felt so perfect. So when I was sitting down next to her on that couch, and she told me that her parents said she couldn’t stay with their blessing, I said “Long distance it is then.” I couldn’t give up, not then- not ever. I would never give up Vanessa so easily. I wouldn’t let any obstacles stand in my way and ruin everything. I would hold onto her till the bitter end- my unrelenting grip would grasp onto her arms until they began to burn, until they’d start pumping battery acid. And even then, I wouldn’t want to let go. But the ruling is final, and I didn’t want to make Vanessa betray her family for me, so I did what any boyfriend would do: I helped her pack.
Each passing week, her apartment would get emptier and emptier. And each passing week, the feeling of her leaving would become more real. Like I had been denying it happening. My heart refused to believe that Vanessa was actually leaving me, that my first and only love was going to disappear from me. I would no longer be able to see her gleaming eyes, those lips, that smile; or feel her touch, her breath or her embrace.
I refused to believe.
I tried my best to hide my sorrow. To hide the disappointment that I carried with me every time Vanessa would do something really cute, or one of her quirks that I love in her (like balancing on one foot when she uses a sink or puts makeup on… its so cute and strange <3).>
“Looks like we made it
Look how far we've come my baby
We mighta took the long way
We knew we'd get there someday
They said, "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong”
I want to hear these words. Everyday I push myself saying “each day is one day closer to hearing those words straight from her mouth.” I tried to do my best and convince her to stay. I cooked her surprise breakfast, I ran some of her errands, I cooked my specialty lamb chops countless times and never wanted her to pay me for them, I made sure her place was clean if I left and helped her clean a few things when she asked me to. I just wanted to show her that I was worth staying for, because I didn’t want to push her into changing her mind about staying because of something I said. I left it up to her to decide what to do, it was her choice to make… not mine. I wanted to get on my knees and beg her to stay, but if she did it for me and not for herself id feel awful. We had great fun together; we even had a double date with my best friend Bo and his girlfriend. We had a blast together, Bo and I having talks about life and how hot some famous girls are and which one we like best and why… (HAHA only kidding babe! you’re the hottest girl I’ve ever known :P), while Vanessa and Bo’s girlfriend just chatted and watched some crappy F4 series (how I hate f4… grrr). Bo and I got locked out after having a chat, and had to go through some torture to get back inside; and when we eventually we did – we tortured them back hehe ^^. It was fun and romantic in a way, the fact that we just sat with our girlfriends watching tv and eating the delicious food that Vanessa cooked for us (she’s a great cook, you should try her ‘wantons’ :P, only under my supervision of course…). I had gotten so comfortable around her that it was crazy. Like, before we first kissed, I was so nervous and didn’t want to push Vanessa into moving so quickly in a relationship (she told me about being pushed in her last relationship, so I made sure it didn’t happen again). I wanted our first kiss to be romantic, like the time that I told her that I liked her on the pier. I wanted to kiss her in a time that she was upset or sad, I wanted to lift her chin up and say “Don’t be afraid, I’m here.” And kiss her. Unfortunately, this didn’t happen. So a lot of the romantic things that I planned out for her didn’t always work out.
There was one thing though, that went off without a hitch. Following up from my last post about my poor effort for a first month anniversary, I constantly thought about what I should do for our second month. I thought long and hard about how to go about setting it up and deciding what I should do for it, especially so because it was going to be our last anniversary together in Melbourne (though we did have another one when she came back for graduation). I had a lot of ideas in my head and needed to figure out which one was best. I put all of my effort into it, and was so happy with the result when she said “No one could ever top this.” I talked to Vanessa’s housemate and told her to take her out for the day, so I could set up a surprise in Vanessa’s house. I got her house keys and waited for them to leave. Then I snuck in and set up everything. I placed rose petals mixed with potpourri (to give them a really nice smell) from the front door into her room. Then I filled up 101 helium balloons and let them loose in her room (to symbolize the fact that from a scale of 1 to 100, I loved her 100+1). I tied two balloons with string to a card, so that the card would be floating in the air when she opened the door into her room. I set up my present below the card (a necklace that splits apart and becomes two: to show that I would always be there to protect her, and the heart that I gave her was my heart and my soul) I rigged a little cup full of petals to fall down on the door frame so that she would have petals rain on her when she opened the door. Everything was perfect when I closed the door and waited with a bouquet of roses. When she came in she was mystified, she walked into her room and I surprised her. I still remember the way she said “Awwwwwwwwwww” and hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. She then gave me a huggggge list with all the things she loved about me, she let me read it and it ended with “and the list grows everyday”. I guess that’s true, because I always notice new things about Vanessa that I learn to love about her. All her quirks and anal habits, I find cute and funny ^^. I love my baby sooo damn much. And I miss you lots lots <3.>
I always want to do thing special for her, so that she would always remember how much I loved her. I wanted her to leave Melbourne knowing that someone would always love her, and be here to support her through anything. I wanted her to know that I would go the extra mile, just to see her be happy: to make her feel safe and loved. I wanted her to know that if she ever needed me, id be there. I wanted her to know she could count on me for anything, and know that id do anything in my power to get it done. Unfortunately, the decision to leave still stood and I had no choice but to experience what Malaysia was like if I was going to have to live there: because Vanessa was adamant about not living in Melbourne. After helping her sell everything and finish packing, it was time for her to leave. But she wasn’t going alone, I had decided to follow her to Malaysia to make sure that we could be together for as long as possible. If we were going to survive a long distance relationship, we would need to be together for as long as time allowed, and me going to Malaysia was the only way.
There was no other choice but to meet the parents, and see where our relationship would lead.
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