Monday, February 26, 2007
First post back in Melbourne….
Well, as everyone pretty much knows by now I am back in Melbourne and starting up my life again. I’ve cleaned my room, got my old job back, trying to get a new gym membership to keep my fitness up, handling my Uni time table and subjects, catch up with family and friends. And I’m doing it pretty well, I’m trying to be more organized and stop doing things last minute (my biggest flaws) and aiming to do better at school this year. Catching up with all my friends has been good too. If I missed anything from Melbourne it would have been them and my family. I just missed kicking back and joking around, laughing and making jokes at each other to the point of someone ‘getting owned’ and running out of come backs. A lot has changed since ive been gone, and I’m still trying to adapt to all of it. My friends are now all single, they have jobs and lives of their own and we’re it finding harder to spend time hanging out. But, its no big deal as long as we meet up occasionally and do stuff together once and a while. If I didn’t have my friends to hang out and spend time with I think I would be having a very difficult time with this long distance relationship.
Which is why I really worry for Vanessa in Malaysia because her circle of friends isn’t very extensive and she hasn’t many long term friends to turn to and supplement me with. If she could spend more time going out with friends (as much time as she and I spent together in Malaysia) then she would find it a lot easier. But of course, you cant fully supplement a partner with a friend. I personally still feel really empty. Ever since I got back I’ve noticed a void that I still haven’t been able to fill. Days aren’t as bright, food doesn’t taste the same (…but Melbourne food does suck compared to msia), the prospect of going to the gym on my own doesn’t seem so appealing any more. I hate to say this, but I don’t want to be here any more… all I want to do is spend time with Vanessa. I realize how stupid that sounds – I cant just drop out of uni and go to Msia and live off her forever. But I really wish she was still here so that I would have something to drive me to do better.
I find it weird how I always need something to push me. We all something that drives us, usually its for our own desires. I never really had that; I always just did what other people wanted me to do. Its not a very good trait to have, since you should always look inside yourself for inspiration and guidance. In the end, if you are not doing something you want, then you will end up being unhappy in life. What other people think is best for you, may not actually be what’s best for you. Take their advice – sure. But don’t ignore your own sensibilities either. If you learn to push yourself and achieve things for yourself, you will always be a stronger person in the end. But I still have Vanessa, even though she is 6000kms away, I still try my best to make her happy. My trip to Malaysia, again, was amazing. I’d already tried the food, the scenery, the sights – so none of that stuff was new (though I have to say my trip to Singapore this time was a lot better and I have to give a big, special thanks to Ron and Lawrence putting up with a gui lo for all that time and showing me around some great places – I WONT FORGET IT GUYS!!). But the thing that I found the best about the trip was the routine that I found myself fitting into. I would wake up, see if Vanessa was awake, wait till it was time for her to get up, get ready for gym, go to gym with Vanessa, have lunch together, catch a movie/play arcade together…. It was just so much fun for me. I liked being part of her life again.
Even just being around her again made it all worth it.
It’s probably why I am so empty here, in Melbourne. I’ve gone from spending almost every waking moment with her, to seeing her for a couple of hours online or talking to her on the phone. A man I sat next to on the plane said that with web cams these days, its almost feels like the person you’re talking to online is only a few kilometers away. At the time I agreed with him, but now I know that its not so true. If you’re talking to a person who is a few kilometers away, you have some idea when you’re going to see that person next. With a person 6000kms away, it just feels …. Different. Slightly more cut off, like you can’t feel their ‘presence’ nearby. Not that I don’t feel Vanessa’s presence. There isn’t a day that goes by that something doesn’t remind me of Vanessa; someone says something that Vanessa would always say, acts like Vanessa acts, does what Vanessa does, even DRIVES what Vanessa does (every Honda Jazz and Peugot 206cc reminds me of her, I even saw both go past me recently, one followed by the other -_-). But webcams definitely makes everything a lot more bearable. If this was 20 years ago, where calling cards were non existent and webcams and chatting was still being invented…. It would be extremely hard. But with the help of technology and hard work… I know I will always push myself and will sacrifice everything before I give her up….
Baby… that’s a promise.
0 Comments:
