Monday, October 16, 2006
Our first 24 hours...
We talked. We talked into the night about a lot of things. But with focus on one thing: Vanessa leaving
Sitting next to each other was different now.
Just being around her felt different.
Before when we had sat on the couch countless times, I had still felt a barrier in between us, like I was there but not truly open. But now it all felt different. I felt like I could open up fully and fear nothing with her sitting next to me. The feeling of being safe in someone’s presence is quite a feeling, and I had never felt that way until then. I knew then that I would never want to leave her side. That I always wanted to be there to hold and protect her; to make her feel safe the same way she made me feel. But I had never been in a relationship before, so I was still nervous about everything. I was unsure how to go about anything… I was always too shy or embarrassed to do anything right. Even when I put my arm around her at the pier, it was just strange and awkward because I had never done it before.
Holding hands – sure, I could do that pretty normally; just like a hand shake right? Holding her while walking; sure the first few times it’s awkward, but I’ll learn how to do it properly. Hugging; no problem! I did that three times... although the first time was REALLY awkward.. Cuddling: hmm I like I like ^ ^.. pretty easy. It was late, and we decided that I would sleep over her place. This is one thing I had NEVER done before. Sleeping over at a girls house. I blushed when she asked me to stay the night (>_<, so lame) but I was glad I did. When we just lay down together, and just cuddled till we fell asleep… it was amazing. To feel the warmth of another person against yours in a cold room on a dark night. Its definitely one of the best feelings I’ve ever had. We said nothing, but we were still talking to each other in the silence. When I cuddled her and she nuzzled my arm, her way of saying “I’m here”. It was just innocent cuddling into the late hours of the night. The talk of Vanessa leaving still wasn’t 100% final, and there were still unanswered questions plaguing my mind. But right then, it didn’t matter.
Nothing mattered, except for the fact that I was with the one that I cared about.
The one that I’d swear to take care of and protect. The one that id dedicated everything to.
I woke up and I was sprawled all over the bed. I wasn’t used to sleeping in a double and I think my subconscious got too comfy and decided to hog everything ^ ^. I woke up groggy and looked around. I patted down on the blanket next to me and felt nothing solid “Huh. Where’d she go?” I asked the air. I quietly got up pondering where Vanessa had gone. My first thoughts were not good ones. I thought she had run away from me, too scared to face me in the morning and she’d run off outside or gone somewhere hoping id leave. Or shed locked her self in a room and didn’t want to talk to me about anything and just wanted me to go.
Paranoid and stupid, I know -_-;;
I crept out of bed, trying my best not the make a ‘squeeking’ sound like it does every time you sit on it (that stupid futon! Can never be quiet! So hard to be sneaky! ) I slowly padded around the room looking for some clue as to where she went. I looked in the kitchen: nothing. I looked outside: nada. Lings room: nope. The bathroom: nuh-uh. That left only her bedroom, with the door fully closed and no lights on. I thought she was changing clothes or something so I didn’t dare enter the room. I put my ear to the door and quietly listened, trying to discern what she was doing in there. I heard nothing, at first. So I thought she was sleeping. Then, just faintly a whisper of sound could be heard. It sounded like a girl crying. I felt like I had just been shot in the chest. Fear hit me to the core. Why was she crying? Was she afraid to hurt me by saying we couldn’t be together? Had she finally made up her mind and decided to go back to
Hehe, but I hugged her because I cared about her, not just because she was crying. I would say that I needed the hug just as much as she did, if not more. She was watching Fantastic Four (IM IN THIS MOVIE!! *the THING*) so I sat down and watched it together. It was our first movie we watched as a couple ^_^. Watching a movie with someone you care for deeply really makes you enjoy the movie a lot more.
Our day wasn’t spent together however; Vanessa had pre arranged to meet Ron that day (and I had arranged to meet my friend Mervyn), so I had to get ready to leave and go home and get changed (I was smelly and unclean xD). Ron opened the front door and came inside. Vanessa told me that she didn’t want her friends to know about us just quite yet, because she wanted them to slowly get used to the idea of being ‘more than friends’ now- so we had to try and be discrete about it. Ron was having none of it however. “Okay, something happened last night.” He first said to me “What?” I replied “Nothing happened. I just stayed over.” “Oooooookaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.” He said, unconvinced. Vanessa and I both knew the jig was up and suspicions were brewing, but we still tried to keep it under the lid. We all walked down together and it was already strange to not be by Vanessa’s side. I was just being compelled to go over there and hug her as much as possible. I was still amazed by the whole thing. The whole fact that “I’m with her” still hadn’t sunk in yet. I just stared at her from the other side of the lift, trying my best not to let Ron in on the secret. We walked to my car that was parked downstairs, and said our goodbyes. I couldn’t do anything too obvious like hug her or something really close up, so I waved good bye to her and smiled once Ron turned away, got into my car and drove away; with the biggest grin on my face.
This was the first time that I remembered being so happy. I didn’t want this to end. I didn’t want to leave her side, so the next day I was right back over there enjoying her company again. Everything was going great, 24 hours and still no incident – my personal best! :P. But, things that are perfect are destined to run into pot holes… and one of the biggest bumps in the road was just around the corner.
Her ex boyfriend was going to make his presence known.
1 Comments: